Day 4 - Out to Family

Today's question is "How did your family take it when you came out/ if you are not out why aren't you?"

I pretty much answered this in the previous post. I did tell my family once, but I told them I was working on overcoming it. My mom said, "I didn't know you had that problem." My little brother was the only other one who replied but didn't say anything about my trans background and gender identity, except maybe that he felt my pain and offered support.

My family doesn't talk about things. When two of my brothers started seeing a psychiatrist, I didn't know why. I still don't know - just that they struggled with depression. An older brother came home early from his mission, but twenty years later I still don't know why. When my mom caught me looking at porn on her computer, she only said "no more," and that was that. My mother is so stoic. I don't remember her ever wiping tears from her face. The only emotion I remember expressed by her was anger. We didn't express emotions very much, just hid them inside. Anyway, I'm scared to come out to them. I keep in touch, but never get any responses. I see them about once a year and call them all on their birthdays at a minimum. I figure they've already shut me out of their lives, they wouldn't react if I came out.

My wife, ex-wife, ex in-laws, dad and stepmother all know. I don't hide it from my sons and will tell them. My ex wants me to hide it, since our younger son asked if he could get his nails painted. He wanted to be like daddy. I am finished hiding and lying, especially from/to those I love the most. So I refused her request and openly wear female clothing in the home. All little boys want to wear fingernail polish at some point in their childhood, not just because their daddy does.