Western States Journey (August 2019)

WOW!!!! Just WOW!!!!

Western States was an amazing experience.  And it isn't finished, even now over a month after the race to Placer High School. It began much earlier than 5 AM on June 29, 2019.  As far back as when I was in seventh grade.  But for now, we'll go back to July 2012.

July 2012. On Friday the 13th, my ex filed for divorce, and I signed for the papers that afternoon right before heading to run my first ultra, the Cuyamaca 50k.  It was only a couple hours west of where I lived in Yuma, AZ on the way to San Diego.  I had no idea what I was doing.  It was hard.  I got lost towards the end.  It was hot.  It took over five and a half hours!!!  I was covered in dust/dirt with the infamous dirt tan line above my ankles. But I had so much fun. I WAS HOOKED.  With nowhere to go, I stuck around after the race to eat pizza and met other runners. As is expected from me, I had more than my fair share of pizza.  It was almost as fun as the race itself.  I was hurting and needed that community.  They were there for me in ways they'll never know.  I camped another night there and woke up to a neighbor camper talking in Hungarian.  That was AWESOME.  Another neighbor camper came over sometime over the weekend, and we got talking.  He and his wife were so kind.  He had just started running long distances, but hadn't run an ultra yet.  We agreed to meet up later that week since I was going to be in San Diego for training for work anyway.  Even though I was beyond sore, I had a blast just a few days later running some trails with him and some of his friends.  They invited me yet again to another workout that week.  So I went and had more fun doing a track workout.  This week was crucial for my mental health.  My world was changing, drastically.  With the pending divorce, we were also going to move to Virginia a month later for a new job.  Some of the racers and this camper and his friend helped me move forward.  Running helped me move forward, and it kept me alive.

My new job in Virginia was a nice break from the 60+ hour work weeks in Yuma, but the bosses quickly made my already-hellish life even more hellish.  Somehow though, I just kept going forward.  I found another 50k race a few hours away.  I ran the New River 50k in a smoking fast 3:37 finishing in second place.  That weekend further lifted my spirits.  Throughout this difficult time, nightmares were common.  It was hard to focus.  But somehow I managed to find sobriety through running and frequent 12-step meetings.  I connected with other addicts and runners, with church leaders.  I found support groups for both the addiction and for transgender.  I found a therapist and started hormone treatment.  All of that support somehow got me through.

Then I met Heather.  I wasn't looking for romance.  I just wanted to have fun dating, get my mind off the hell I was going through with my ex and her fiancé.  But Heather and I instantly connected.  As corny as it sounds, fate brought us together.

But what does all of this have to do with Western States?  Well, those two runners from San Diego talked about one day running Western States together.  I thought the idea was crazy.  I had read "Born to Run" and had no desire to run 100 miles.  And I didn't know what this "Western States" race was all about anyway.  But then, I happened to run a 50-mile race that was a qualifier for Western States.  The race was the weekend before our wedding in early June 2013.  But since it was a qualifier for States, I put my name in the lottery anyway later that year.

The next year, they removed all the 50-mile qualifier races since they had so many runners entering the lottery.  So, I bit the bullet, and ran a 100-mile race, the Massanutten Mountain Trails 100 Mile Run in May 2014, a month after I ran Boston for the first time setting a PR of 2:52:10 that still stands (it was a BLAST!!).  I finished the 100-mile race.  Not finishing never even occurred to me.  So the last 30-40 miles were a slogfest, a death march to the extreme.  At the half-way mark, I was on pace to finish in about 20 hours.  But then after mile 60-ish, I pretty much died and walked most of the last 40 miles.  My pacer was super patient, gently nudging me along.

. . . to be continued . . . (I hope)

Farewell to a "Deer" Friend

Reflections of Grace, part 179.

Almost two months ago, I hit a deer. I felt so awful - he didn't survive the untimely encounter. I'm very careful about deer and know where they usually are along our road. This one and his friend surprised me at a new spot. I now drive much slower going down that hill.  I was quite shaken up and very nervous while driving the rest of that week.

Anyway, I took the car to the repair shop a few weeks ago since the headlights stopped working; otherwise I would have kept driving it for a few more years. Ignorant of insurance policies and procedures for cars nearing their ultimate end of life, I tried filing the repair with insurance. But since the damage was more than their estimated cash value of the car (it had almost 200,000 miles), they declared it a total loss. I was devastated.

That car has taken me lots of places. I lived out of it for a few months, sleeping in random parking lots and getting woken up a couple times by police. I learned how to fix lots of things on it including regapping the valve clearances, fixed the brakes multiple times, changed the spark plugs at least twice, changed the oil always by myself, vacuumed crumbs and dirt not often enough, upgraded the radio so I could have a CD player AND Bluetooth, and simply took good care of it. Heather learned to drive stick in it, and I just loved the control and efficiency from the manual transmission. It didn't hurt that I averaged about 42 mpg over the seven years and approximately 140,000 miles that I owned it. Until recently, it "fit" our entire family. It never got a name besides "the Fit" or "the Blue car"; it seemed sacrilegious to name it  "Blueberry", but we loved it nonetheless. It was a great fit for our family.

With a heavy heart, we decided to let the insurance take it and send it to auction. Sure, the best thing financially would be to fix the headlights and essential cosmetics, and then run it even further into the ground for at least another seven years. I'm sure the engine and transmission would have lasted at least another hundred thousand miles. And I was eager to learn how to do a little body work.  But we figured we'd never get as much from it for selling it as the insurance was offering.

So we started looking for cars. Ideally an economical small car that seats seven, or at least six. I remembered seeing ads a few years ago that the prius had a minivan version. So I researched and was disheartened to learn that the seven seater was available only in Europe because of US regulations.  Any small SUV that I could find, with theoretically better gas mileage, had seats for only five people. It's a conspiracy I tell you! Toyota can't bring the seven seater to the US, and so buyers are forced to buy larger vehicles such as the Sienna, Odyssey, or some large SUV, and thus use more fuel. What happened to all the station wagons with third-row seating? I think there is a Mazda model that fit the criteria, but I'm wary of the brand and just couldn't find a decent used one in our price range. And of course, the Tesla X with a third row was an option, especially since it can tow more than our Sienna. But alas, it's definitely too expensive, even after factoring in mostly-free electricity/fuel for ten years. So we gave up and decided to get a small car again that wouldn't fit the entire family and hope that our sienna would last a lot longer (it's been having issues, but I think I fixed the main problem - courtesy of YouTube).

So I spent a few days online looking for an economical used car and decided on a Prius. I was no-doubt excited at the prospect of having a hybrid, as I've always liked the Prius. I also test drove an electric, the Nissan Leaf. But since it's range was not quite enough at about 80 miles, we went with a prius. The one we ended up buying wasn't the trim level I wanted (dealer incorrectly listed it as the higher trim), but it was relatively cheap and in great shape.

Yesterday, the salvage company picked up the Honda Fit. I was sad to see it go.

I used as much of the last tank as possible.430 miles is probably a record!

Throughout this entire process, I've reflected a lot. Why am I so attached to this car, an inanimate object? Sure, it had lots of memories (good and bad) associated with it and was only "my" second car. And the new car is great, but I've realized, I guess, that it's just a car. Driving it home last week was rather anticlimactic. "Meh, it's a car." Having the latest technology, the shiny trinkets, etc. just doesn't appeal to me as much anymore. As long as it has cruise control - the only drawback of the Fit.

Growing up, my brothers and I were car fanatics, dreaming about various models. Our dad, patiently and lovingly, took us to dealerships to try out various cars. It was fun and cost him nothing. Even better when the dealer enticed us with free food, even if it wasn't the healthiest. We could identify almost any car from afar without seeing any identifying model symbols, just from the shape and sound.

So, in conclusion, my unsolicited advice is to buy a cheap car for cash, take care of it, and drive it as long as possible. But if it dies sooner than expected, just get another (if you really need it). Life goes on, and it doesn't matter whether you drive a ten year old beater or the newest Lexus, Rolls Royce, Jaguar, Aston Martin, Mercedes, etc, or even a Chevy, Toyota, etc.(definitely not a Ford, lol). Better yet, either live somewhere that you can use public transit or bike /walk everywhere and don't need a car, or become totally self sufficient so that you don't need to go anywhere.