Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Poignant Lessons of Life

 I often reflect on lessons I've learned. Sometimes a specific lecture or lesson from a professor or elementary teacher stands out. And that lesson sucks with me throughout my life. Here are a few that have stuck.

My eleventh grade history/literature teacher had us read Kurt Vonnegut's "Cat's Cradle" together. After each lesson, he would talk about it. One day he got on his proverbial soap box and talked about how we as humans try to put everything in a box, make everything in straight lines. We defy nature, and therefore God. As I've been learning more and more about gardening, ecology, and permaculture, I see this over and over. We think we know so much, but in reality we know very little. The more we attempt to take nature and claim grind, the more havoc we wreak. Bees don't fly in straight lines from flower to flower. We think that making things as efficient and compact and industrialized as possible saves money, but it only creates other, more costly problems. Monocrop planting is like a huge billboard for pests and diseases. So we think the solution is chemicals, which only briefly work and are harmful to us and the environment. When nature already has a solution: diversity and attracting beneficial hugs. We fight against nature instead of working with it, as it is. We fight nature and therefore God. #rantover I promise, lol.

My fourth grade teacher was new to teaching. So new that my third-grade teacher was also her third-grade teacher. But she taught me a lot. Two, scratch that, THREE lessons stand out from her.

  1. She cultivated a love of science in all of her students, especially in me. One day she had a bunch of test tubes standing next to each other and poured water into each of them and then some other water also. The result was a rainbow of test tubes. Our task was to figure out how she did it. "There was powder in the tubes" was one guess. Another was that she put dye in each of them without us seeing. Neither suggestion was correct. I silently thought about it, and in my contemplation probably missed the explanation that she gave. For years I puzzled over that object lesson and could never figure it out. Recently, my sister-in-law was teaching at the same school as her, right as my teacher was about to retire. So I asked how she had done it. Surprised that I remembered it, she revealed that the multiple containers of water were not actually water but various chemicals. My assumptions were at fault. When the transparent liquids were combined, a chemical reaction produced the various colors, based on which chemicals were combined.
  2. Once she wrote on my quarterly report card that I often pout and give up when confronted with difficult problems that I can't easily solve. I remember being angry and furious at her for writing that, cause I was a perfect student. Or so I felt.  In the years since, the image of that sentence printed at the bottom of the dot-matrix paper has stuck with me. Especially when I am working on a difficult problem and throw a tantrum.  I then calm down and realize that I can do hard things.  It may take a long while and a significant amount of elbow grease, but I can do it
  3. She started the Young Astronaut's program in our school. One day per week we met either in the gym or her classroom and did science stuff. We planted beans in milk cartons, learned about photovoltaic cells, contraction of eye pupils to regulate light, and many other fascinating things about the world around us. We even tried dehydrated space food - my favorite was the ice cream.
  4. Okay, I lied, FOUR. Once she kept me late because I refused to write. That day we had learned about the haiku. I could not think of anything to come up with for my haiku. So I just sat there. Just three lines and seventeen syllables. But I couldn't do it. And I continued to sit trying to come up with something, but even after school I still stubbornly refused to write anything until I had something perfect. This incident, the one time that I ever faced any level of detention is probably what inspired her to write her criticism on that report card. I hated writing for many years, especially creative writing. I was okay with writing a report, but not a story or expression of my thoughts and feelings on a subject. Sometime in high school, I started a journal which I dutifully wrote in every day until sometime in college after my mission when the addiction took over my life. That's another story entirely. Long story short, I used writing to help get out of that addiction and to stay sober even now. Thankfully, writing and I are on much better terms. It has become a healthy outlet for my emotions and a way of sorting out things.
As a sophomore in college, I really struggled with the abstract side of math. Computational math was a breeze, with or without a calculator. I remember sitting with a fellow student in our professor's office. This was the second time I had him, first for Math 4710, Probability, the previous semester, and now for Math 4210, Fundamentals of Analysis. He basically told us to try and to keep working at it.  He compared proofs and problems with using a hammer. At first, the muscles are weak, and the body not very-well coordinated. With practice, the muscles strengthen and better swing the hammer. The brain and body become more accurate and hit the nail, not the poor thumb. With time, diligence, and persistence the proof muscles did get stronger. I learned the tools and techniques to solve theorems and other problems.

In group therapy, our therapist compared addiction to being stuck at the bottom of a well. Even if someone tossed us a shovel, how would we get out. I've imagined this many times and tried picturing how I could get out. He didn't give us the solution. And it continues to puzzle me. Maybe it relates to the infamous first and second steps of recovery. That we are powerless and need help from a higher being. For God could surely pluck us out of that well just add he did me from the addiction. I think the imagery combined with the problem had helped solidify this lesson in my thoughts. And the same for all of these lessons. I remember them well either because they were an object lesson or I imagined them intensely with great detail. I bet there's a study out there about the permanence of memories and lessons.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Father, my Greatest Calling

The past couple weeks I've been seriously considering taking a break from church. Our Bishop ignores me, won't give me a calling or even let me speak or pray. And after he asked me to serve as Sunday school president, he never asked the ward to sustain me in sacrament and called someone else. And yet, in our previous ward, I had my temple recommend, but he won't even meet with me for an interview to renew my temple recommend. He's lied to me and ignored me, and I can't take it anymore. I really feel useless and unwanted. I am out to most of the ward members, and they are mostly accepting. Anyway, I was resolute that I would stay home today, but the deaf sister in our ward accepted my Facebook friend request yesterday and messaged me that she'd see me at church. So I went. And that sister beautifully bore her testimony today. Then the last testimony was from a former bishop of our ward, now a stake presidency counselor, from Samoa. I could really feel his love and Christ's love through him. Then his father-in-law, also a former bishop of the ward, gave the closing prayer, and it felt that he was praying solely for me.

I usually drag myself to priesthood, but today I just sat in the foyer. About halfway through the third hour, a sister from primary brought me our oldest, autistic son. So I kept him with me for a little bit. I heard the primary singing and decided to take him back in and just enjoy the presence of spiritual giants in small bodies beautifully singing. We have another deaf member in our ward, and he missed the primary program from a couple weeks ago (we missed it too since we were gallivanting about all around the country) so they were performing it for him. For every single song, they had one of the older kids signing it for him. That alone broke open the tear ducts. Their last song was one that they all helped write, and the wonderful primary chorister put it to music. It was about feeling the Spirit and loving each other. Truly beautiful. There was no holding back the tears after that! After they finished and had prayer, I thanked the chorister and told her it was beautiful. Then she told me about the song that they wrote, that Gavin (our middle child) had contributed one of the chorus' main lines, to love each other "no matter what". Yeah, a flood of tears upon hearing that...

Throughout my journey and from my many supplications, the Spirit has told me that I was given this male body for the sole purpose of bringing our three boys into this world. For some reason, they needed my DNA as their father. So today, that was reaffirmed in a way. I need to go to Primary with our oldest to help with him. And anyway, RS and priesthood and Sunday school are boring - primary is where it's at. :P That is my calling, whether or not the bishop extends it and has me sustained. That is where I am needed and am supposed to be. That is where I will stand and where I will lift.