Thursday, December 27, 2018

Poignant Lessons of Life

 I often reflect on lessons I've learned. Sometimes a specific lecture or lesson from a professor or elementary teacher stands out. And that lesson sucks with me throughout my life. Here are a few that have stuck.

My eleventh grade history/literature teacher had us read Kurt Vonnegut's "Cat's Cradle" together. After each lesson, he would talk about it. One day he got on his proverbial soap box and talked about how we as humans try to put everything in a box, make everything in straight lines. We defy nature, and therefore God. As I've been learning more and more about gardening, ecology, and permaculture, I see this over and over. We think we know so much, but in reality we know very little. The more we attempt to take nature and claim grind, the more havoc we wreak. Bees don't fly in straight lines from flower to flower. We think that making things as efficient and compact and industrialized as possible saves money, but it only creates other, more costly problems. Monocrop planting is like a huge billboard for pests and diseases. So we think the solution is chemicals, which only briefly work and are harmful to us and the environment. When nature already has a solution: diversity and attracting beneficial hugs. We fight against nature instead of working with it, as it is. We fight nature and therefore God. #rantover I promise, lol.

My fourth grade teacher was new to teaching. So new that my third-grade teacher was also her third-grade teacher. But she taught me a lot. Two, scratch that, THREE lessons stand out from her.

  1. She cultivated a love of science in all of her students, especially in me. One day she had a bunch of test tubes standing next to each other and poured water into each of them and then some other water also. The result was a rainbow of test tubes. Our task was to figure out how she did it. "There was powder in the tubes" was one guess. Another was that she put dye in each of them without us seeing. Neither suggestion was correct. I silently thought about it, and in my contemplation probably missed the explanation that she gave. For years I puzzled over that object lesson and could never figure it out. Recently, my sister-in-law was teaching at the same school as her, right as my teacher was about to retire. So I asked how she had done it. Surprised that I remembered it, she revealed that the multiple containers of water were not actually water but various chemicals. My assumptions were at fault. When the transparent liquids were combined, a chemical reaction produced the various colors, based on which chemicals were combined.
  2. Once she wrote on my quarterly report card that I often pout and give up when confronted with difficult problems that I can't easily solve. I remember being angry and furious at her for writing that, cause I was a perfect student. Or so I felt.  In the years since, the image of that sentence printed at the bottom of the dot-matrix paper has stuck with me. Especially when I am working on a difficult problem and throw a tantrum.  I then calm down and realize that I can do hard things.  It may take a long while and a significant amount of elbow grease, but I can do it
  3. She started the Young Astronaut's program in our school. One day per week we met either in the gym or her classroom and did science stuff. We planted beans in milk cartons, learned about photovoltaic cells, contraction of eye pupils to regulate light, and many other fascinating things about the world around us. We even tried dehydrated space food - my favorite was the ice cream.
  4. Okay, I lied, FOUR. Once she kept me late because I refused to write. That day we had learned about the haiku. I could not think of anything to come up with for my haiku. So I just sat there. Just three lines and seventeen syllables. But I couldn't do it. And I continued to sit trying to come up with something, but even after school I still stubbornly refused to write anything until I had something perfect. This incident, the one time that I ever faced any level of detention is probably what inspired her to write her criticism on that report card. I hated writing for many years, especially creative writing. I was okay with writing a report, but not a story or expression of my thoughts and feelings on a subject. Sometime in high school, I started a journal which I dutifully wrote in every day until sometime in college after my mission when the addiction took over my life. That's another story entirely. Long story short, I used writing to help get out of that addiction and to stay sober even now. Thankfully, writing and I are on much better terms. It has become a healthy outlet for my emotions and a way of sorting out things.
As a sophomore in college, I really struggled with the abstract side of math. Computational math was a breeze, with or without a calculator. I remember sitting with a fellow student in our professor's office. This was the second time I had him, first for Math 4710, Probability, the previous semester, and now for Math 4210, Fundamentals of Analysis. He basically told us to try and to keep working at it.  He compared proofs and problems with using a hammer. At first, the muscles are weak, and the body not very-well coordinated. With practice, the muscles strengthen and better swing the hammer. The brain and body become more accurate and hit the nail, not the poor thumb. With time, diligence, and persistence the proof muscles did get stronger. I learned the tools and techniques to solve theorems and other problems.

In group therapy, our therapist compared addiction to being stuck at the bottom of a well. Even if someone tossed us a shovel, how would we get out. I've imagined this many times and tried picturing how I could get out. He didn't give us the solution. And it continues to puzzle me. Maybe it relates to the infamous first and second steps of recovery. That we are powerless and need help from a higher being. For God could surely pluck us out of that well just add he did me from the addiction. I think the imagery combined with the problem had helped solidify this lesson in my thoughts. And the same for all of these lessons. I remember them well either because they were an object lesson or I imagined them intensely with great detail. I bet there's a study out there about the permanence of memories and lessons.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Mission Reflections

I realized today that it's been a little over nineteen years since I started a two-year mission to Hungary for my church. I was just over nineteen years old at the time and thought that I knew so much. I was so sure of where my future was headed. It's been anything but what I imagined, and I'm grateful for that! Three houses bought, four trips to Europe, three beautiful sons with a fourth on the way, a divorce, two education degrees, a bunch of cross-country road trips, thousands of miles on foot, various certifications including Master Gardener, four dogs (I still get teary now eleven years after "Pookie" passed), five (5 too many lol) indoor cats, countless friends from church and running from all around the world, many tears, many smiles and laughs, many mountain peaks, countless gorgeous vistas, and so on.

I like to think I've learned a thing or two on this journey that is, statistically speaking, only halfway done. I hope I'm less judgemental of others. That I listen more than I talk. That I'm more empathetic and understanding of others. That it always gets better in the end, and if it's not getting better, it's not the end yet. That's it's better to let it out than to keep it in. That Mother Nature is a way better Gardener than I'll ever be. To embrace the suck and the mundane and to enjoy the present. That stuff doesn't really matter cause it just comes and goes, but memories of time spent with family and friends, those stay forever. That it all comes down to love.

#nostalgia #lifeisgood #T-I-M-E #ultrarunner #ultrarunninglife

Gracetől való gondolkodások
Másnap észre vettem hogy tizenkilenc éve van azóta hogy missziómra indultam. Akkor csak tizenkilenc éves voltam és azt hittem hogy sokat tudtam. Olyan biztos is voltam arról hogy mit hozna nekem a jövő. Egyáltalán nem volt olyan amilyet képzeltem és nagyon hálás vagyok érte.

Friday, December 7, 2018

WHY

"Why do you dance?"
"Because it's always been a part of my life. It was there with my mom when I was a baby, and it's here now thanks to Odette. It allows me to live, to be myself." - Felicie in “Leap”

And this is part of why I run. Ever since coach Mason cnvinced me to join the summer track club while I was in Junior High and gave his full support and confidence in me.  He believed in me and gave me the nickname “Studmuffin.”  Then Coach Garn took note of the tiny, gawky freshman and taught me the basics about cross country running and shared fascinating stories of his adventures in running.  Mitch was a senior and was super friendly to me.  Later that year he won the state title but still took time for me.  And now Coach Roche has taken that support to the absolute, unconditional level with loads of excitement, contagious positivity, the playfulness of a puppy, and unbounded encouragement.

I run because it is a part of me, always has been.  I run because it allows me to live, to be myself.  When I am out on a run, it's just me and nature bonding ever more with each step. Left foot, right foot. Over and over again. The rhythm and predictability bring peace and calm to my otherwise frantic, dysphoric mind and body. The fascinating and natural beauty all around brings gratitude to my heart. I run for love.  Love of my family.  Love of other runners and fellow human beings, each with their unique challenges and fascinating journeys. Love of Mother Earth.  Love of myself.